A Page in a Life of a Mom!

Dh grading ~ poor guy.

2012-03-11T22:40:00.001-07:00

2012-02-21T20:45:00.002-08:00

This would feel great just about now,
a book added, and I will be in heaven!

I am going to go to bed now, the whole day has been nothing but issue after issue. It just never ends in my life. You ask a friend to watch your children for just time for you to take a shower, and get some ME but do they do it, NO! Then tonight she asks if you could watch her spoiled little brats, and you say no because you had a bad day and she says "yada-yada" and you feel like maybe you should do it, maybe she will learn. She will not! This happens everytime, I needed her last week to watch Baylee so I could go off to my appt, but she says no. Tonight she calls and expects me to watch her children. Well I gave her "I cannot do it tonight.....I had a bad day" she started making excuses. I just do not get people. Her kids are okay but you can obviously see she does not discipline them. It is sad, because I see only trouble in the near future especially her oldest.

Well they left an hour ago. What fun! Never again ~ told her that it was enough that you will not watch my kids but being late just adds to it. I cannot believe my luck today. Well sending the kids to bed early, making myself popcorn, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Anyone want to watch my kids for a Sunday? Probably not, lately it is hard to keep babysitters. I never had a person tell me to never call her again to watch my kids but that has happened before to me. She does not know anything about what I deal with on a daily basis, so she cannot complain. Anyway, off my soap box.

Just sucks ~ doesn't it.

Politics, politicians, governmean, whatever.......etc.

2012-01-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

I am going to take this opportunity to tell you all how much I HATE politics/or politicians. The description does not describe how I hate them. It is something like this, ever heard of the statement "like dragging your fingernails across the chalkboard" well every time I hear them I tend to want to scream and turn off the TV. They get you by lying, and manipulating you. Christine Gregiore is one of those politicians that I would love to go talk to ~ not because I like but I want to ask her some serious butt-kicking questions. What the hell were you thinking about? Not only has she stabbed the state workers in the back; however, she is doing the same with the educators as well. It is not enough that they spend 24/7 on planning for their classes, buying stuff for their classes, but she has to put it dagger and drive it in crooked. It is not enough that as the WEA put it, "we were doing her a favor" but she would not do the same back. I hate her! Yes, that is right. I hate her. I wish she could come on by for a week and see how we are living. While she is up at her governors house living HIGH. We "little people" are suffering. We have calculated and if we had the raises for the last three years, other things we would be fine, WITH NO PROBLEMS.
Why cannot the administrators the HIGHER UPS who sit on their A$$E$ get the pay decrease rather than the ones that WORK NONSTOP!!!
HEY GOVERNOR, not only have you put us back years, you tied the hands of the teachers ~~ that could help the kids to do better
I wish that not "everyone" will be able to get into the office of Governor or whatever, They will need qualifications because obviously this woman does not care about us, and it shows through her "little remarks" ~~ such as "you voted for this, deal with it." Yeah well I hope you can sleep at night.
I am now an "Independent" I cannot choke down republican or democrat, so it is much easier to say "I am an Independent."

Chocolate Cake.

2012-01-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

Huh, thought I had some, you are wrong. I just like to have the title of my blog to pop out at my readers.
I can have a chocolate cake in my diet as long as it is in my points value or low fat free variety. I can all the veggies I would like. How yummy to put cheese on my broccoli and not feeling like I have cheated my diet. I do not call it my diet, it is my lifestyle change in progress. I have started a new blog called, "Pounds Left Behind" ~ all the talk about my exercise, life changing in progress. That is where I will talk about recipes, my thoughts, and even my bad days.

Anyway, my husband is coming home early ~ this weather does not help anyone.

Weight Watchers

2011-12-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

I started Weight Watchers today!

I will also be ordering some items as well so it will make it easier for me. My goal weight is 117-146. I cannot wait until next year because I should be close or on my goal.

I will be learning about the points plus system and other things from the company Weight Watchers. My husband is excited and I guess I am as well. Anyway, this will be fun for me and an educational experience as well. As of today I will be tracking my points, and exercising as much as I can. So excited. I want to do this for me, and of course for my family, but mostly me. I guess I will have my "buddies" with me as well ~ it should be a learning experience.

Well, I will finish this up later!

Thanksgiving Week...

2011-11-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

I am busy cleaning house (even organizing) and packing for our trip to my parents. Not only do I have to get my stuff, my husbands, my kids, I also have a dog to get ready to go. I feel at times I have four kids with Mr. Dewey around. He is such a blessing though because I can get things done with the kids around and he keeps them busy.

In my household, if dh and I do not celebrate Halloween...our kids would divorce us!!!

2011-10-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

To kick off the Halloween countdown...I have posted new music up to enjoy while viewing my blog, and I will be posting Halloween and Fall recipes, poems, stories, and what not this month.

Our plans are to enjoy Halloween movies suitable of course to children such as Munsters, HalloweenTown, Addams Family, and much more. For dinner homemade chili, cornbread, and apple cider and donuts for dessert and treat during movies.

Happy Halloween!

Preschool.

2011-09-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

It was hard to see her jump on the bus like she has always have done it. She enjoyed the bus and school ~ no phone calls. So all is well.

Looking outside, it looks like "Fall is in the Air!" Beautiful day!

Preschool Countdown....

2011-09-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

The countdown begins. Will mom cry or what? That is the big question of the week. Will not be answered until Monday. We went to preschool orientation today, and it seems so far it will be fun for her. My baby is going to preschool, ah man!

The boys felt left out of the picture moment...

2011-09-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

Notice they had a lot of fun today as well messing up my brand new clean bedrooms. I can never get ahead with them coming up behind me. So this week I am going to get rid of toys, clothes they do not play or wear anymore. Downsize their belongings since I am the one that cleans up after them. But I will make a chore chart for them because they need to do something around here. It will be easier if I got rid of most of their unwanted things so they can clean their own rooms. Dillan is in 6th grade, Bryce is in 3rd grade and so they can help me at least with their rooms.

It benefits the princess...

2011-09-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

Just does not benefit the parents. She can get out so it takes us 6 times to get her back to bed. What a princess diva she is.

She is in a big girl bed now. WHAH!!! I think my hair is turning gray. We have to keep putting her to bed at night because she noticed the first time that she could get out herself. She was very proud of herself. What a little princess she is. However, during the day she just goes in and lays in her bed when she needs a nap so it does benefit me some. A shock to see her today like this just sleeping (taking a nap) without having to do anything.

Hot Dame!

2011-08-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

Sitting here at my desk, thinking of later tonight when the kids are in their bed cuddled up dreaming about their next day where they can harass their mother some more. I sit here staring outside to the quiet neighborhood. People walking by saying hello, and kids playing in the yards. Water sprinklers are on making the scenery GREEN. I spy birds up in the trees chirping ~ I see dogs playing in their yards. I sit here wondering which movie I should watch tonight. Should it be one of Audrey Hepburn's, or maybe Doris Day's, or maybe just take a look on Netflix, in which I adore as well. I think to myself, I dream of the moment of sitting down on my bed and watching a show in silence and with no interruptions. I find it enticing to think that in a few hours I am able to have some peace in my life. I jump up with joy and anticipation of the moment where I can pop popcorn, get a grape cocktail, and find a comfy spot on my bed to enjoy a movie. Or better yet a TV show that is on tonight, it is Thursday night.
Whichever choice I will make will be a good one and one that I will enjoy. The kids will be snuggled up in their beds dreaming of la-la land. Popcorn and a grape cocktail in my hand. What is that Dave ~ nope he is in Portland until Sunday ~ YAHOO! Lets celebrate ~ the husband is gone as well. HEEHAW!!! Yep I will enjoy my evenings alone in solitude and movies for my enjoyment.
Did I mention that with the hot weather we have had, it has been hard to do anything during the day so I may even clean house, you never know.

Gluten-Free Blueberry Muffins

2011-08-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

These are actually really good ~ the boys love them. I make them up each morning and they enjoy about 3 or 4 of them. Also you can hide things like carrots, and other produce for the child in the home that cannot put a veggie in his mouth. I put applesauce, puree of pears, and other fruits as well. So yummy!

Gluten-Free Blueberry Muffins

Recipe courtesy Food Network

Prep Time:20 min
Inactive Prep Time:1 hr 0 min
Cook Time: 22 min

Level:Easy

Serves:12 servings (double the recipe.)

Ingredients

2 cups gluten-free all-purpose baking flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup canola oil
2/3 cup agave nectar
2/3 cup rice milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 cup fresh blueberries

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line a standard 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, xanthan gum, and cinnamon. Add the oil, agave nectar, rice milk, and vanilla to the dry ingredients and stir until the batter is smooth. Using a plastic spatula, gently fold in the blueberries just until they are evenly distributed throughout the batter.
Pour 1/3 cup of the batter into each prepared cup, almost filling the cup. Bake the muffins on the center rack for 22 minutes, rotating the pan 180 degrees after 15 minutes. The muffin will bounce slightly when pressed and a toothpick inserted in the center will come out clean.
Let the muffins stand for 15 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack and cool completely. Store the muffins in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.

Nutritional analysis per serving:

Calories 250; Total Fat 10 g; (Sat Fat 0.7 g, Mono Fat 5.6 g, Poly Fat 2.8 g) ; Protein 2 g; Carb 40.5 g; Fiber 2 g; Cholesterol 0 mg; Sodium 455 mg

New Recipe website: Gourmet Recipes

2011-08-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

Serves: 6

Active time:30 min
Start to finish:1 1/2 hr

August 2003

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup granola without dried fruit
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened
3 lb peaches, peeled and sliced 3/4 inch thick
1/4 cup fresh orange juice

Accompaniment:
vanilla-bean ice cream

Preheat oven to 375°F.
Stir together sugar, flour, granola, spices, and salt in a bowl, then work in butter with a pastry blender or your fingertips until mixture forms small clumps.
Spread peaches in a lightly buttered 13- by 9-inch (2 1/2- to 3 qt) baking dish. Toss peaches with juice and top with crumb mixture.
Bake in middle of oven until topping is golden and peaches are tender, 30 to 40 minutes. Cool slightly and serve warm.

Home Sweet Home

2011-08-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

Ah, all I know is it is great to be home. My kids are playing in the (fenced) yard, and I am enjoying a movie. It is paradise. Always nice to have a fenced in yard and not having to worry about the two younger rascals in my life.
I took my quiz for algebra did not do as good as I hoped; however, much better than I thought as well. Dave says it is just one quiz. I want to keep my A average though.

Taking a break to read,"The Street Lawyer" ~ I took it from my parents house; however, I will give it back when I am finished. I got bored one day and picked it up to look at the back cover, and it intrigued me. So, therefore I ended up plopping myself on the couch, and reading while looking outside to check in with the boys. So far it is a good read.

Sun & Clouds

2011-08-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in my parents kitchen, looking out to my boys playing, I look behind me to see what my daughter is doing. While looking out, I see clouds of different shapes, and the sun peering from behind them. I peek out to the boys, laughing and playing.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be their mother, I really am; however, I find myself wishing I had children (the boys) that act normal. It would be nice to see Dillan skateboarding down the street talking to friends and goofing around. I would love to see Bryce peering up to the sky with friends talking about the newest news on the planets. I would love to get a call from Dillan saying he will be home late from the library, or perhaps apologizing for missing his curfew. I dream of a life that I thought I would have; however, HF put me down a different road. A road that most times (days) are hard. Those times I just go to my bed, and fall in to it. Mothering is hard work; however, being a mom to two boys with special needs is more a struggle. Most days I just grateful that I went through it without stressing too much.
I find myself wishing for things I do not have; however, I know in our church we are trying for a place in the celestial kingdom, I find that hard for me to do. The boys will be there they already have their passes; however, I do not want to be a Heavenly Mother. Too much I would have to hold back on and being a mother now I just want to relax. Maybe that is what I will get in return of this life's trials. A moment of relaxation and knowing I did as much as I could possibly do. I am not perfect; however, mothering is so hard for me. I want something "good to happen" ~ I hope that with everything I endure in this life, it will be worth it.

A French Cafe...

2011-08-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

I would love to some day go to Paris France to experience the French Rivera, and learn French "hands-on." Listen to the music, and breathe in the air of the bakeries, and experience Paris. Sit down at a table at a cafe, reading a newspaper, watching people go by, and learn French by ordering crepes, croissants, all awhile "drinking" in the culture.. Taking pictures, and going to the major attractions such as the Eiffel tower.
It may always be a dream of mine; however, it is something I have wanted since watching the movie, "French Kiss."
I would then go on a train to Italy, and other areas to "drink" up some of that culture and finer things as well.
It would be nice if I was wealthy so I could spend some time in Europe, France, Italy and other areas around there.

Counting down until my "Leap" Anniversary!

2011-08-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

February 29, 2012 ~~ Leap Anniversary~!

It is either 4 years, 16 yrs married, or 19 yrs together whichever it is we enjoyed being together.

Thinking positive...

2011-07-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone says it is how "you think positive" when dealing with any math course. Now, my challenge is to "think positive" and get through this. Then, I looked at my checkpoint assignment and thinking positive, right. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! LOL

The road to stress...

2011-07-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

Now, it is going to be hard, but I must pass this course and the next math course so I can get to work on my IT Core courses. Now, this is going to be stressful but with a lot of hard work, motivation, and tons of vibes from above I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I think I am going to cry! Uh, I hate math ~ I know it is important in life but could we change that please to help me. I am dying here. I don't want to see a "train wreck!"

Keep me in your prayers because I will need it. I guess I better go pluck out some gray hairs I have found this morning. The road to stress......YUCK!

Cannot sleep...freaking dogs...

2011-07-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

I wonder what the law says if you killed three dogs. They bark and bark and I would like to go over there and shoot them, so I can get some sleep. Annoying!!!! My gosh, how can the other neighbors deal with this on a daily basis. Isn't there a law about disturbing your neighbors?
I would love some sleep but there are disturbances that is not allowing me to do it. I can deal with cars going by; however, dogs I cannot deal with. These dogs are Daschunds. They have a pitch in their bark that you just want to wring their necks.
I do not think I am going to get a dog anytime soon. This visit will help me make my decision. Thank you, you 3 for helping me with my decision. Thank goodness for visits like these.

7/21/2011

2011-07-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

Hello & good evening,
Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday and she will be 3 years old. Wow time goes fast.
Well not sure what we will do but thinking cheesecake and bbq. We will stay home and
enjoy life alone at home. Take the phones off their ringer, and enjoy!

Next Monday, I start Mat 116 1A (Algebra) not looking forward to it. I would rather have
a root canal. I never had one but have been in the next chair over of a person who was
going through one. It was awful for me and thinking it would be worse for the person.

Anyway, it is Thursday night ~ Dave is not home, and I will be putting the kids to bed
early and watch a movie. It is nice to just sit down and watch a movie without
interruptions.

7/20/2011

2011-07-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

As a mother, I tend to be more protective of my children. I have to be since our world is nothing like when I was a child. I watched the Jaycee Dugard special with Diane Sawyer ~ I look at this woman who went through so much, and I have to say she has been/and dealt with hell. She is now a grown woman who will probably live with her mother for the rest of her life. I hope she will find a man to really love and adore her. She needs something good to happen in her life. Her mother regrets not going into the house to say good bye on her way to work. She was late so she did not do it. Well I do not blame her. Sometimes you don't know what will happen and we do not have the magic that HF has. But the one thing I can take away from watching this special is, "to take the time and say good bye, kiss your kids, and tell them you love them." Because anything could happen to them. This mother (Jaycee's) had to go through 18 yrs with regrets and she finally has her child back with two granddaughters.
With the world we live in today, anything could happen.... we need to live for today and pray there will be tomorrow. I find it hard how HM can be "in heaven" and not want to do something. I could not sit while one of my "children" is hurting, or being hurt. I don't think I want to be a "goddess" though. Mothering is hard enough on earth, I could not do it in heaven. There is just some things I would rather do than be a "goddess," it sounds bad. But, it is hard being a mother especially to two celestial beings. I look at my brothers and sisters kids and I have to hold my tongue with hearing their complaints or whatever. I have to watch what I say because I would love to have my children get baptized, have the honor of being an Aaronic Priesthood, or pass the sacrament, or whatever it may be. There is some things that I see my parents do with my nieces and nephew and I wish my kids could do that. There are so much things I would love for my kids to do. Their disabilities hold them back or it holds people back. Either way there are things they will never experience that my husbands family does or my family. They will never know Disneyland, traveling, or anywhere because if it is not the disability that holds them back, it is people thinking they cannot do anything like others can. As a mother, I have to protect them, it is my job, my life is for them. If they are being treated unfairly, well it is my job.
I don't have a calling because of them, and I cannot give to a calling right now. I choose to not do a lot of things, but there are times where I want to do something. It is my choice. Anyway, I need to go to the grocery store so I will be back to finish this blog entry.

Californians...can have their stickin California.

2011-07-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

10 Beckys List:
1. California Smog (they have billboards for people who want to check for it. I can guarantee they have smog, I felt miserable the WHOLE FREAKIN TIME.)
2. California drivers
3. Freaking towers in the parking lots. How is that safe?
4. I guess they got the name "Golden State" because there is no green anything.
I do love the palm trees and the State Capital is gorgeous!!!
5. Traffic. (Washingtonians do not know how good they have it!)
They have orange trees on their capital wish we could of got some fresh from the trees.
6. We got in each night to our hotel since weirdos come out earlier. Homeless seem to be pushier.
7. The Barnes N Noble had an author so we could not go on some of the aisles. I could not believe that they would do that, but you could not go through some. I told the lady up front at the cashier, I would of gotten more but I was not allowed access to some of the aisles such as mystery shelves. I was not happy. I could not believe it, is this true for all bookstores. Or just for Dr. Charles Stanley. Whoever he is.
**Easy to get around as long as you "googled" for directions.
8. You have your life in your hands if you drive at night. They are worse.
I guess there is no more to say, because in the most part I enjoyed Sacramento. I love the palm trees, and the beauty of the capital; however, some things I could live without.

We are here......Sacramento CA

2011-07-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well we got here about 9'ish last night. We do not care for our hotel room, we wanted to be in a different part of it because we wanted a balcony off of our room, a bath tub, and bigger beds. Well we did not think it was too much of a problem but I guess it was since we could not move. So today we are going to ask again at 3. The noisy A/C kept us up almost the whole night. We were so freaking tired we probably fell asleep because of the road trip here and waking up freaking early yesterday. Anyway, I have a favorite store up here at Arden Fair Mall, it is called "Bath & Body Works" so I must go visit it today or it will have to be tomorrow with much disagreement from Mr. Dave, But I told him we must do it or I will make trouble for him or either have an adult tantrum.
It is bad enough I am near San Francisco and cannot visit it so I will have to visit BBW and TCBY.
Anyway, that is our life at the moment. I visited my class grades and I still have a high 3.79 GPA. YES!!!! Always good, I worked so hard on them. Although, it wll go down as soon as I take Algebra. I hate math so much.....UGH!

We are proud owners of a 2000 Ford Windstar

2011-07-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

The van we have is a "greyish green" my husband says. He will go tomorrow to go get it. I am just glad we are going to be able to travel in comfort instead of as sardines. YES!!!!

Summer: BBQ's, water slides, water fights, sun, and walks on the beach...

2011-07-07T16:20:00.001-07:00

New theme, new songs, enjoy!

Coming into FINALS WEEK....at my parents home...

2011-07-03T01:12:00.000-07:00

How will that turn out, it will be a good thing because at least I have more eyes on the kids so I can study when I can or want to. One of the finals is a questionnaire while the other is an actual test. Ending the class with A's is always a good thing. So here I go starting to get ready for my tests, do a little of my questionnaire and get it done quick. I will study for the test for my psychology class, in which I am "tearing up" because it is ending, I did enjoy it! I learned so much in both classes, and one thing I learned that maybe listening is not always a bad thing. Bryce has OCD and I know from the PSYCH class that maybe he needs some medication help, I do not know. We will see what the "experts" say.
My next round of class (just one this time around) is College Algebra A and then another class after that is College Algebra B, ah yes not my fun classes, going to be even busier with less classes on my "plate" HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parents house...

2011-07-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am ~~ not sure how long we will be here, but for a bit anyway. The boys love it here, and I can relax for once.

Proud to be an American...

2011-06-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

Artist: Lee Greenwood
Song: Proud To Be An American
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.
And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
And I’m proud to be and American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

This song brings me to tears each time I hear it. The song has some sentimental value by (or I hope) by all Americans.. We must be thankful for those that fight or have died for our freedom. Happy 4th Everyone!

Scripture of the Day: James 1:5-6

2011-06-27T00:58:00.001-07:00

James 1:5-6

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

Having a good day whether or not I want to

2011-06-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Each morning I wake up and kneel on my knees and pray that TODAY will be a good day whether I like it or not. I also prayed that I will deal with my lack of trust issues at the end of the summer break. I also prayed that today will be a better day than yesterday when I heard that C. has a history of "erratic behavior." (I guess that is a new term they associate with people such as C.) In turn I will smile, and get through the day while I imagine I am playing darts and the targets are those that failed my child. It helps to make it clear to me that at least justice will be served in my mind.

Each day I get up, yoga, and meditate -- and each day I end the day with writing in my gratitude book in which is a private book all to myself.

Incompetent does not mean responsible

2011-06-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Today, I got a phone call from the Prosecutor's victim advocate telling me C. is not competent. That means one thing: these teachers had an "incompetent teen" in a role that he should never of been in ~ in the first place. Taking my information to D's therapist, and to our lawyer. The school needs to be responsible and have the teachers change their policy in class especially when it comes to such things as bathroom breaks. They need to be aware and take some responsibility because as the advocate stated, it will "likely happen again" meaning he will re-offend. That sickens me. I feel like I need to protect other kids as well because some kids cannot defend themselves.

Forgiveness is...

2011-06-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness means that instead of wringing the neck of the "boy" -- I will instead not think about him... ever.
Forgiveness means I do not go down to the school and wring the necks of the teacher/or paras instead I inform them I will be keeping my eyes on them. Oh how I wish I could hurt them...
Forgiveness means I sit, cry and pray for my son to be protected TODAY.
Forgiveness means not wishing harm on the boy or teachers/paras; however, I will go to the city exercise room and punch them as if they are the punching bag.
Forgiveness means never forgetting, it means taking your side and never letting them forget that one mistake can lead to a horrible nightmare to another.

Excused...

2011-06-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, I was excused so I am free to go over to Olympia, and let the kiddos harass their grandpappy & grandmammy! Here we come....yep sir we are a' comin!

Pros & Cons: a hard decision

2011-06-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone that we talk to ask if we are going for a lawsuit, we do not know for sure. We never have had to worry about the safety of our children. However, it is a BIG decision, and a decision we are not going to think on an impulse. It is hard, we are not "sue happy" people, but we do know that D's safety is in jeopardy because it seems the teachers do not care, and have "showed" us how much. Today, I was told I must go and at least talk to a lawyer to see about our rights, because the therapist says D's rights has not been taken in consideration. The school is making sure the "suspect" rights are being considered, and not of the victims. So much to consider, and we do not know what to do. To sue for what or what are rights are. We have been told we "have grounds to sue" but we really don't want to gain from this by getting money, it is not something like that,. It is more of "wake up and smell the crime" type of thing. The teachers did not do what they were suppose to do. They overlooked the safety of two boys, and felt they could trust someone that they should not of. We had an apology from the principal, but nothing else from the teachers. We also found out it was the principal that called the police, and the teachers had no intention to call. That is an alert of "who cares" It seems like they are protecting this boy, and not of the victims. Their heads need to be examined. I got some good points and will follow through with them.

How do you explain to a "loved" one ~~ that you are appreciative, however....

2011-06-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

My mother in law has to "downsize" some furniture. I am taking the couch, a chair or two, and a "very nice" hutch. Now it would be nice painted a different color or maybe white, but I have a feeling it is a antique, but the thing is just a blah color stain. How do you tell someone who just lost someone that you do not really like it? Or would it be rude to paint it green or something to match? "It matches to the other things we have..... reason" oh my I hope it is not a antique.

And if my husband thinks he can lay stuff around the yard, he is mistaken, I hate junk in the yard, and he does not get rid of things so easily. He better have a place or help me HF I will KILL HIM!!!! He is bringing stuff home tools, and a few other items, I hope he has space for them. THEY ARE NOT COMING INSIDE.

A whole day of headache, play, and explaing to Baylee!

2011-06-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

I spent the whole day with a migraine, playing with the kids, and explaining to Baylee that even though she thinks she is a princess, she still cannot have everything handed to her with a silver plate. I also explained to Bryce that maybe it is best to move the sprinklers so the whole yard will benefit. He is having a hard time with that, and he also thinks that he knows better about growing things. I guess he does since he grows weeds that already been picked, but they are alive. Ah Baylee -- what a girl. She just seems to think she is no.1 in everyone's life, or center of everyone's universe. She is cute though!

Accountability

2011-06-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

All I want is someone to say "we are sorry that this happened to your son, here is a list of what we have changed in or added to our protocols. We also released the para who gave the okay for this boy to help your son." We want accountability, and we want the school district to come to us and tell us they do care what happened, and taking action where this does not happen again." Finding out that he is capable of doing this again does not assure us, it scares us. We do not want this to happen to anyone else because of what we hear, see it may just happen. We want accountability that assures us that no one else has to suffer like my boy or the other boy. We also want them to know that what they have as policies now SUCKS!!! Having older "mentally challenged" kids helping the younger.... "with all sorts of things" scares the **** out of us!" How the heck do you allow that to happen, because it is beneficial to them, my a$$! It shows laziness on the teachers and paras part.
Each morning it is hard to send my kids off to school, I was too the point of sending them off today with my husband but sure enough they have parties and things they would like to do. I get another "shove" in the face with a "workers comp" letter stating they will process our claim and send us more info later "if they pay Ds medical and injury bill" how nice.
D starts counseling tomorrow, and we are suppose to save all "receipts" and everything so in case we need to show our lawyer, I have someone telling me that we should not pay for any of this. We have to show that before "it happened" D was not in counseling, and he did not need to go to the ER because of other "reasons" ~~ all the visits because of the "incident."
Monday I am requesting the police report, and medical report will probably be with it. Than we will go see for a lawyer, we talked to "legal aid" and they say we have grounds and if we have medical bills, and other bills "because of the incident" we could possibly get reimbursed, as long as we show it was because of the incident.
The best option is if this parents, him, and the rest of the family is not documented. I was also told if this happens again he will be expelled FOREVER. How nice, that the only way he gets out if he is kicked out of the country or DO IT AGAIN! While crazy individuals are sent to institutions, and sex offenders are not suppose to be around children and sent away from schools or what not. However, an individual who may have "tendency re-offend who is not competent to stand trial because of a disability" can go back to school because "IT IS THE ******* LAW!" Bet if every other parent in this town heard that, they would be at the school board angry and wanting that kid out of school. It would be wrong for me to think his family is not documented or if he would re-offend again. However, I would not be happy either way.

Learning more about law, police procedure, and things I never knew before.

2011-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

I am learning the "terms" that police officers say. I am learning about the procedures and how they "investigate" and also the "operations" at a prosecutors office. Things that otherwise I would not know much about if a "decision" was not made. I am learning the rights of the suspect and the victim. I have to say people need to know these things because they are so unfair. Suspects has rights, and sometimes victim does not. The suspect has rights that should of been taking away; however, are wonderful country is founded on rights and privileges of the people. Crazy people are put away if found "incompetent" ~~ sexual offenders cannot be around kids or even in the same room; however, a "mentally disabled" because of his "condition" can be in the same building but not the same room. He can interact with other kids; however, with his aid in which by the way, he could look away and C could be off doing something. There is a girl in a wheelchair that they lay down on the floor to "sleep" and they put a "block" around her so no one will disturb her, I see this as a red alert because she cannot talk or even scream. Although she may be watched but how the classroom is laid out disturbs me too.
As an adult, if I was a teacher and something happened to my students -- and me or another made a tragic decision thinking nothing could possibly happen -- I would want to talk to that parent alone, and express my sincere sorrow over the whole thing. Big or small I would want to do that because it was my responsibility as the head of the class to re-assure that parent and to apologize. It is a great Christian way; however, I would wait a bit but I would do it. Although I would never put the responsibility on a child with another disability for a younger child especially in such a "personal" situation. However, this class does this where the "bigger" kids help the younger kids, and when I heard that I looked up in disbelief, yes for some things. However, an adult should be the one taking a child down to the bathroom, not a "incapable" child. Because at least the adult would be charged, sentenced, and jailed.
I am off now going to go relax and maybe do nothing the rest of the day, I am still "emotionally drained" from visiting the school yesterday. I cannot understand or wrap my mind on the whole thing. I felt good right up until I faced how big, tall the guy is... he was even a bit bigger than his fellow 8th graders. He talked to me like any other "typical" child would. However, he looked uneven his head was smaller than his body and he looked just odd. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach.

Sometimes life can be so draining...

2011-06-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to the middle school that D will be in. Going to the office, and then walking down the hall, turn the corner and a few or more steps I could be face-to-face with the "kid" that "harmed" my son. I walk further, saying a little prayer, as I go. I come face-to-face with him, and I noticed a guy with him. He smiled I said "they are now hiring the military?" jokingly, (since he was wearing fatigues) and he said just a second job, Mame. Mame, ah I hate that word. Anyway, I turn to go in and "kid" tries to walk in with me, I stop and turn around, and stare him down. The "bouncer" came up behind him and took his hand and directed him to the wall. I walk in, and was not approached yet. I went around the corner to meet the teacher, paras, and the kids. Sweet kids I have to say. To my left, a few inches away is a girl that looks just like "the kid" and I ask, and she came up to me and introduced herself, and then said something about "the kid" the teacher shooed her away. I look over to her, and look behind to the hallway. I felt so helpless. "The kid" has a sister... at the moment I felt so sick inside. I walk and introduce myself with a straight posture, and confidence that probably why the teacher was "killing herself" to make me comfortable and happy. She talked nonstop of the "operations" in her classroom. I faced all the paras and the teacher - peeked around the classroom, the bathroom, and then talked to the kids around me. They were making lunches for the teachers, administrators, and whoever else ordered lunches from them. They usually have about 26 or more orders, and they set to work on making the meals - soup or salad that includes a cookie, condiments, drink, and some other items. BIG MEALS ~~ worth the money probably, this is so they can go on field trips, have their supplies for school, and so much more. I liked the idea; however, I can see why D does not want to help me in the kitchen anymore.
I talked to the teacher, the paras -- played UNO with another para and kids, it was a fun day. Perhaps a good day; however, I wanted to talk to the principal. I liked the classroom setting, did not like that the "kid" was there inches away from D; however, he left soon after.
The principal assured me; however, I needed to go to the police department after that discussion. She was nice, apologetic, but still had a "sick" feeling in my gut. Something that usually I have if I feel something is terribly wrong about whatever. She apologized not the teacher, or the paras, the principal did, and she felt for us. I was glad about that; however, I still felt so sick inside, I stepped out of her office, to the "teens" oh my gosh and I am an adult and they intimidated me. Poor D -- I will just have to prepare him. I stepped out, and my "gut-feeling" told me to jump right over to the police department. I went in and asked for the detective but he was not there, so I left a message for him. Something about what the principal told me, the teacher, and just a gut-feeling I had from finishing my visit there. I walked to the store, and shopped. Came out to meet up with my friend and B, and they were just in a "parking lot" bumper collision, great more police stuff.
What is it with me and the police, I get to meet them all ~~ we do have nice looking police in our town, wowsa! I can see why women speed here. LOL
Got home, and put B down for a nap, I turned my alarm on, and fell asleep as well. Today was so draining on me.....UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Jury Duty...

2011-06-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Last week of June I have Jury Duty... how ironic. With everything going on with my "other" problem, I would be made to go sit on a jury to help with putting someone else behind bars; however, my own family cannot receive the justice we deserve or should anyway. I tried being excused; however, this time around it is not turning out that way. I have to find babysitters, and that will not be an easy task. Anyone want to watch all three kids for a week or so. Hopefully I can be excused. I will see if I can tear up when they ask me questions. No one wants a juror that will show her feelings; however, jurors are human you know.

Bryce's Green Thumb

2011-06-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

Bryce is my 9-year old son. He has this talent that gives me gray hair; however, he has another talent ~~ a green thumb, he can grow anything by not really trying. He is growing stuff right now, and I do not even know what they are. I think he mentioned one of them are sunflowers, and another beans. Beans that you eat, he is (yes) growing it. I don't know, but our nursery lady said you cannot grow those, and so I took a picture and showed it to her. Yes my son can do it. She is the expert to. Kind of scary, don't you think.
Anyway, must get ready to go to the BBQ at my boys school ~~ does not look good outside but I will try to go. The Book Fair is on today and tomorrow.

RE: Forgiveness

2011-06-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I think it is still too early to really forgive, and of course I am taking psychology right now -- so it seems I need to go through the "process" and I do feel it is too early. People do not understand the magnitude of my anger, and they actually don't know the whole story either. But forgiveness is not easy, and I should never be forced to do it so easily. I am angry at the teachers, and of course the boy. Forgiveness will come just not right now.

~ Forgiveness ~

2011-05-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

Forgive
See also Atone, Atonement;
As used in the scriptures, to forgive generally means one of two things: (1) When God forgives men, he cancels or sets aside a required punishment for sin. Through the atonement of Christ, forgiveness of sins is available to all who repent, except those guilty of murder or the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost. (2) As people forgive each other, they treat one another with Christlike love and have no bad feelings toward those who have offended them (Matt. 5:43–45; 6:12–15; Luke 17:3–4; 1 Ne. 7:19–21).

Easier said than done. Heavenly Father, give me strength that I will find peace, harmony, and a path to forgiveness.

Our forgiveness of others must be heartfelt and complete.
The command to forgive and the condemnation which follows failure to do so could not be stated more plainly than in this modern revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith:
“My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.
“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.
“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” (D&C 64:8–10.) …
The lesson stands for us today. Many people, when brought to a reconciliation with others, say that they forgive, but they continue to hold malice, continue to suspect the other party, continue to disbelieve the other’s sincerity. This is sin, for when a reconciliation has been effected and when repentance is claimed, each should forgive and forget, build immediately the fences which have been breached, and restore the former compatibility.
The early disciples evidently expressed words of forgiveness, and on the surface made the required adjustment, but “forgave not one another in their hearts.” This was not a forgiveness, but savored of hypocrisy and deceit and subterfuge. As implied in Christ’s model prayer, it must be a heart action and a purging of one’s mind [see Matthew 6:12; see also verses 14–15]. Forgiveness means forgetfulness. One woman had “gone through” a reconciliation in a branch and had made the physical motions and verbal statements indicating it, and expressed the mouthy words [of] forgiving. Then with flashing eyes, she remarked, “I will forgive her, but I have a memory like an elephant. I’ll never forget.” Her pretended adjustment was valueless and void. She still harbored the bitterness. Her words of friendship were like a spider’s web, her rebuilt fences were as straw, and she herself continued to suffer without peace of mind. Worse still, she stood “condemned before the Lord,” and there remained in her an even greater sin than in the one who, she claimed, had injured her.
Little did this antagonistic woman realize that she had not forgiven at all. She had only made motions. She was spinning her wheels and getting nowhere. In the scripture quoted above, the phrase in their hearts has deep meaning. It must be a purging of feelings and thoughts and bitternesses. Mere words avail nothing.
“For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God.” (Moro. 7:8.)
Henry Ward Beecher expressed the thought this way: “I can forgive but I cannot forget is another way of saying I cannot forgive.”
I may add that unless a person forgives his brother his trespasses with all his heart he is unfit to partake of the sacrament.⁵

Though it may seem difficult, we can forgive.
In the context of the spirit of forgiveness, one good brother asked me, “Yes, that is what ought to be done, but how do you do it? Doesn’t that take a superman?”
“Yes,” I said, “but we are commanded to be supermen. Said the Lord, ‘Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.’ (Matt. 5:48.) We are gods in embryo, and the Lord demands perfection of us.”
“Yes, the Christ forgave those who injured him, but he was more than human,” he rejoined.
And my answer was: “But there are many humans who have found it possible to do this divine thing.”
Apparently there are many who, like this good brother, hold the comfortable theory that the forgiving spirit … is more or less the monopoly of scriptural or fictional characters and can hardly be expected of practical people in today’s world. This is not the case.⁹
I knew a young mother who lost her husband by death. The family had been in poor circumstances and the insurance policy was only $2,000, but it was like a gift from heaven. The company promptly delivered the check for that amount as soon as proof of death was furnished. The young widow concluded she should save this for emergencies, and accordingly deposited it in the bank. Others knew of her savings, and one kinsman convinced her that she should lend the $2,000 to him at a high rate of interest.
Years passed, and she had received neither principal nor interest. She noticed that the borrower avoided her and made evasive promises when she asked him about the money. Now she needed the money and it could not be had.
“How I hate him!” she told me, and her voice breathed venom and bitterness and her dark eyes flashed. To think that an able-bodied man would defraud a young widow with a family to support! “How I loathe him!” she repeated over and over. Then I told her [a] story, where a man forgave the murderer of his father. She listened intently. I saw she was impressed. At the conclusion there were tears in her eyes, and she whispered: “Thank you. Thank you sincerely. Surely I, too, must forgive my enemy. I will now cleanse my heart of its bitterness. I do not expect ever to receive the money, but I leave my offender in the hands of the Lord.”
Weeks later, she saw me again and confessed that those intervening weeks had been the happiest of her life. A new peace had overshadowed her and she was able to pray for the offender and forgive him, even though she never received back a single dollar.¹⁰

When we forgive others, we free ourselves from hatred and bitterness.
Why does the Lord ask you to love your enemies and to return good for evil? That you might have the benefit of it. It does not injure the one you hate so much when you hate a person, especially if he is far removed and does not come in contact with you, but the hate and the bitterness canker your unforgiving heart. …
Perhaps Peter had met people who continued to trespass against him, and he asked:
“Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? …”
And the Lord said:
“I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21–22.) …
… When they have repented and come on their knees to ask forgiveness, most of us can forgive, but the Lord has required that we shall forgive even if they do not repent nor ask forgiveness of us. …
It must be very clear to us, then, that we must still forgive without retaliation or vengeance, for the Lord will do for us such as is necessary. … Bitterness injures the one who carries it; it hardens and shrivels and cankers.¹¹
It frequently happens that offenses are committed when the offender is not aware of it. Something he has said or done is misconstrued or misunderstood. The offended one treasures in his heart the offense, adding to it such other things as might give fuel to the fire and justify his conclusions. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why the Lord requires that the offended one should make the overtures toward peace.
“And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.” (D&C 42:88.) …
Do we follow that command or do we sulk in our bitterness, waiting for our offender to learn of it and to kneel to us in remorse?¹²
We may get angry with our parents, or a teacher, or the bishop, and dwarf ourselves into nameless anonymity as we shrivel and shrink under the venom and poison of bitterness and hatred. While the hated one goes on about his business, little realizing the suffering of the hater, the latter cheats himself. …
… To terminate activity in the Church just to spite leaders or to give vent to wounded feelings is to cheat ourselves.¹³
In the midst of discordant sounds of hate, bitterness and revenge expressed so often today, the soft note of forgiveness comes as a healing balm. Not least is its effect on the forgiver.¹⁴

Power Outage = Sleeping Children

2011-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a power outage -- it was exciting because within 45 minutes of it Bryce was out cold, and Dillan was too. Soon after Baylee. What do you know, if there is a power outage I will enjoy my evening. It lasted for about close to two hours. The kids were still asleep though until this morning. It was nice to just have 1:1 time with Dave. Thank you transformer that went out, we appreciate it!

Cleaning Days

2011-05-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

This week I am catching up on my cleaning. Cleaning a room a day, organizing, and going on to the next. Did I mention I hate cleaning. I love organizing. But I am also going through and donating old clothes and things as well. Making a list of what clothes the kids need and going on to the next room. Bryce had a room of destruction but filled with paper, Dillan helped by cleaning most of his room, and poor Baylee was not even her fault. She is just two you know. Anyway finish the back porch, and kitchen. Living room will be tomorrow. Listening to music has helped so much to keep the motivation going. I will continue my mission to clean, organize, and scrub everything. ------I oh I oh ~~ cleaning I go........

Breaking of a heart

2011-05-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

We came back home, and Dave went to bed. I put the kids to bed, and went to bed myself. Each day this week Dave comes home sits on the couch and watches his games. Each morning he gets up and goes to work. Each day his mind takes him to "his work" and "home" again. Without thinking what he and his family had to do on Monday. Dave is not doing well, he is a zombie living through slow motion, and not caring about anything else. He is hurting, he is fearful, but obviously he just does not care. His mom calls up and she is okay; however, he tells me that she will break soon, it is the norm for his mom -- to be strong and then when alone "breaking" without anyone around to see her, and she gives off a feeling of she is okay but she is not. She is not perky on the phone anymore, she usually laughs but I have not heard that lately. It will be two weeks until the headstone is placed on the grave.

Taps

2011-05-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

Glen had a beautiful service actually I should say it was his wife but he also had a chance to put his "wants" into the plans. At the burial, he was in the navy so upon arriving you see three Marines all at attention, one faraway but close, and the other two at the place where they will salute Glen. You sit down and you give them "eye contact" but they do not budge. You look across the other graves and this will he stay. The men in the family bring Glen's body to the site and his brother Ron dedicates the site. Off at a distance you hear "taps" ~~ the flag on the casket is then "rolled" perfectly tight by the three Marines and one passes it on to another and it is given to M. He says his thing and they walk off. People stand and talk until ready to go back to the church for a luncheon. We walk off, look back, and promise to come back and visit. Then you think, life as we know it has ended. Holidays, bbq's, and everything as a family changed. The luncheon was delicious, and talked to so many people and met so many family as well.

Into Heaven...

2011-05-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

Sunday, May 8th ~ Glen passed away in his wife's arms. He went peacefully and painlessly to heaven. With so much emotions from everyone in that family -- you still feel him everywhere. The house felt empty though but you could feel something of his presence still there. He is at peace, no pain, and he is on his mission on the other side. His funeral service was on Monday, May 16th. It was a beautiful service with friends and family. The ward did a great job in taking care of them through the week and the luncheon afterwards. It showed they cared and loved the family very much. Now that it is "after" it is hard for the family; however, we are going on. We will be comforted to know that he is not suffering; however, he is with his brother probably harassing him with no mercy. Glen will be missed and he was loved by many.

Bryce has a "green thumb" without trying.

2011-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Today, he showed me his "blooms" he has gone through weeks of trying to grow. Well today, they have life. Therefore, this child of mine is a green thumb without even trying. This kid is so proud of himself. He grows anything and everything, and from "dead" seeds. What the heck. So by the time Summer starts I should have plants that I do not know what they are.

My new view of the Justice System.....it sucks!!!

2011-05-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last week was a blessing in disguise because I did not have to worry about anything having to do with the "case," however, I get back and it is shoved once more back in my face. I am learning the system; however, I am learning a lesson that is hard. The guy is not going to be punished; however, he will have an 1:1 aid and that is it. To his eyes probably a "buddy," a slap in my face and my son's. The a$$ is going to be allowed back in school and be around other kids; however, with his aid with him all the tiime. While I pondered this over yesterday, I felt so much sadness because the justice system did not work for us. The guy is going through a competency evaluation; however, I know what will happen and I do not have to like it. I can rant and rave all I want; however, the law states he has his rights to go back to school and have an education. However, as a mother of one of the victim I have a right to my feelings. How I loathe those words. The "P" can just go on and this does not effect her. She says they will close the case if "he" is found incompetent for trial, I cannot believe in some cases they can charge the parents for what their kids do; however, in this case they cannot. I am sick of hearing "his rights" I want to know "he" is feeling pain. I want blood and I want "heads to roll" oh wait, P said I can get answers from the school districts, but the teachers cannot be blamed either. What did she say... oh yeah it was a mistake. Heads will roll, the earth will break and I will be Goliath with a mission. My hands are tied because "this is law mame" Well someone will be charged, someone will answer this...... If I cannot get my justice now, I will get it through YELLING AT THE DAME TEACHERS!!!!! If I ever see them, they will be sorry they were working that DAY!!! Because the next in line is to sue those SOB"s. "Oh wait, I do get to see them because they will be D's teacher next year." I guess I will take my husband because he can cool me down pretty quick when I am heated. He keeps saying "we are perfect together.. he is cool and I am hot" meaning my temper although it always has something to do with the boys. In this case, it has popped up "its ugly face" almost everyday.
And do not tell me about forgiveness.... because right now if I hear it I might just break a iron skillet over your head.

Whatever you would like to call it...

2011-05-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

Sitting here taking a break... I ponder. Looking up to see a picture of Jesus Christ. Thinking of all what has gone on this week and today. My father in law died peacefully today. Not something that you would want to look back on this Mothers Day; however, it makes us happy because he is not suffering anymore. It is going to be weird in the coming months, holidays because he was one of the "foundations" of the family. Glen and Marlene ... I have known him for years.... longer than my other sister in law's and brother in laws. It was the advantage I guess. Glancing up I catch my eye on another photo I have of a girl in the arms of Jesus Christ, I smile and remember the teachings from church. A week full of sadness, anger, frustration, and a little bit of trust .....gone.

This week I faced Lucifer and today I faced a spiritual moment. Each one different.... the way I feel today is different from earlier in the week. My husband's family is at peace, and they are happy that their husband, dad, uncle, brother is in no pain. However, they reminisce stories of the past. I look at my husband and I can just see it in his eyes that he wants to be there with his family. It hurts to see him hurt; however, in a way we are relieved. We are not cold..... we just feel relief that his father is in no pain. However, that seems to not make us feel any better. Today, I saw my husband cry for the first time. I felt grateful, I know but it is nice to see that he can do this in front of me. There are those moments where I see a side of him that makes me know I picked the right man for me. However, why does it have to happen at a time that I should not be grateful? He is making me proud but I think it is just the shock of sudden passing of his father that he is cleaning the house. I will let him do it since I am trying to rest from just my shock of the week, I have gone through so many emotions this week that I believe I am still in the "fog" of it all.

Peace, Love & Happiness~~

Above water...

2011-05-06T19:17:00.000-07:00

It has been a hard week; however, hard it was -- I am walking through the house, the yard, and the town in slow motion in a fog so thick I choke. Things appear normal as they usually are accept for one thing... our life as we have known it... is different. It will never be the same anymore; however, we are getting through it one day at a time. As much as I wish it never happened, I now know that what I have taught my boys has actually stuck in their brain. That is always a good thing. I hope that we have a better year; however, it is not to be. My father in law is not doing well. He now needs around the clock care and he is slowly (or maybe a fast) decline of health. Waiting for the phone call is going to be a hard one for David. He seems to be in a better mood if he is in Olympia near him. Next week will be there so hopefully he will get out of his black cloud for a bit. It has been a hard week; however, he needs to keep strong and smile for Dillan. Dillan is such a joy to have around. He smiles a lot but he seems to keep to himself a lot as well.

Outside looking in......

2011-05-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

Ever had an experience where you do not think you are living it; however, you are. But in slow motion....
You are conversing with people but on the wall there you are listening in, and you see yourself sitting there talking to people. However, you cannot hear them. You scream out .... but no one hears you. You listen in, and you appear to process the information. But it is like on the computer, error message.
You look around the room, and the walls are closing in on you, you have to get out of there. Every step farther is a way from the noise of what is happening behind you. While this is going on your mind is running a marathon of questions, information, and the conversation you just had in the office. You take one breath.....two breaths......breathe out. You cannot scream, but you want to...... 3 breaths.... 4 breaths..... you breathe out. You look around looking at yellow walls, nothing is processing in your mind. You just seem to be in a fog.... 5 breaths.... 6 breaths.... 7 breaths.... reminding yourself to breathe. An action that everyone does not have to think to do.

Even harder lessons to learn..... things like this should NEVER happen.

2011-05-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

I sit here, looking out my window on this early Tuesday morning. The day I had yesterday was a day a mother should never have to deal with. Because this is a public domain I will not state anything. I just want to talk out my words of frustrations, anger, sadness, and overall confusion of the whole thing. How could it happen?

It looks like it could be a pretty day today from looking out through the window, the sky is blue, there are some clouds. Cars passing by... from a distance you can hear rocking..... thoughts running through my mind. How will this day end? I have to go to a place today and I have to "will myself" to do it. Keep telling myself "strong as steel" each time I want to break inside. It does not help, it just makes it worse. Because what I want to do and say is a whole different thing then what I am doing. I keep saying the "christian" way; however, it is not going to play out like that. I am taking a road that I never knew I had to take. A road that anyone EVER should ever take. I have to keep my feelings in check, and be strong for the family. How am I going to do that? Keep running through my head.... I am a Child of God... a song that does not fit; however, the only song I know without looking at the book.

I have so many different emotions running through me that I am confused, I am living through this like I am "looking in on this experience" kind of like an out of body experience. I hear people talk to me; however, I cannot really hear them or process what is being said to me. How many did I talk to yesterday? I cannot be sure. 3.....4....I don't know. All I know is life zipping on by and I cannot catch the "life train" ~~ I choke back what courage I can muster and all I can muster is a little bit. I remember the "Footprint" poem and read it to myself. I read the "Serenity Prayer" and then I have the courage to call people. I need help and I need it now. I call my dad, however he cannot help me he does not live nearby. I call my visiting teacher; however, is she the right person for the moment. I keep stating the "footprint" poem, and hope I have the courage to say at least a little prayer. I cannot even budge from my spot, all I can do is sit there and talk to HF like he is in the same room. Give me the courage to not go down there and KILL HIM. I think of the lessons I have had in the past about forgiveness; however, each time I hear a small voice....." too soon." I pray for courage and strength; however, there is none. I look at my son's picture and I have tears running down my face. What did I do? I now know what I have heard to be true. I now know how it feels when your heart hurts. It is not a pain that you need to seek medical treatment, it is a pain that I cannot even describe. I look up at the picture again. I hear a knock at the door... is this dream going to be over. I pick up myself..... and I go to open it --

The Hard Lessons of Life

2011-04-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered when it would be your time to go? Or wonder about the "afterlife?" Ever wonder what it would be like to plan your own funeral?

All these questions and more are running through my mind rapidly....zoom zoom.

It is not the usual topic I would want to think or talk about; however, it is something my husband and his family is going through at the moment. My father in law has not been doing well for a long time: sick on and off. Finally last Saturday reality stuck its ugly head out. They received the final words....."You have 3 months to live" wondering how hard it was for the doctor to say that; however, is it normal for this doctor to say something like this so it takes no feelings at the moment of telling a family what will happen, when the time comes, and to plan. Or is it hard and he needed to take a break before he enters the room to tell the family of the bad news. Whichever, it is I hope it was out of respect for the family.
As a family, hearing this at the first time..... how are they feeling at the moment? Not a question you would want to ask someone that is experiencing this firsthand. How will this family cope without their father, husband, brother, uncle, grandfather, and so much more. How will they cope? How will they cope planning a funeral with the person next to them saying "nay" or "yay." It is excruciating pain to see it in front of your eyes. It is also excruciating pain because the very family I am talking about.... are not much for affection. They are more loving arms length away, then hugs and other affection. As this plays out I will observe so much emotions from all in the family. It is scary to think as of this Summer, my father in law will be gone. It could be sooner, it could be longer; however, it will happen this year sometime. It sounds so cold to say it that way; however, that is a fact, and sometimes facts is cold.
I am not sure how I feel at the moment. I was never close to my fil; however, he is still human and he is my husbands dad. However, how I feel is not important. What is important is to keep my mouth shut and just let dh talk if he likes; however, the family does not talk like my family so I will be quiet for the rest of the year if I waited. I actually force talking to dh because that is what the counselor told me to do. Keep the "lines" open even with grieving because even if his dad is still alive, he is grieving of not as it has happened, but grieving of when and how it will happen. Will he be there, will he be here, and will he be strong enough to handle it. Will he cry and I learned that crying is important in the grieving process. If you don't you will break with an explosion later, and I get the brunt of his remarks when he is unhappy, mad, or any feeling so I want him to break now instead of later. Because we all know I am a big bad MOUTH. LOL I keep letting my mouth run. Sometimes it gets me into trouble; however, being a mom of two with autism, I need my mouth though. That is what makes me such a great advocate for them! (((smile smirk)))

I imagine this fathers day is going to be a rough one. Because it is the last one that my husband and his brothers/sisters will have with their father. I bet they will have a party or such. I believe the rest of the year with Thanksgiving, Christmas coming up it is going to be hard, and the coming months/years as well.

One thing going for them is that they know it is coming, and they can enjoy the time they do have with him.

They are planning a Temple day for the family ~~ I guess this is from the challenge from my father, my in laws home teacher.

GOD BLESS!!!

This week my boys are learning the hard lessons.

2011-04-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

Early Saturday morning a young mother and her two sons perished in a home fire. The oldest boy went to Valley View Elementary, and also in the same exact class as the boys. He also was in the kindergarten class part-time as well. The mother worked at Fred Meyers and she was a sweety of a woman. On Monday, I found out and thought Cade was Bryce's friends, but in fact Dillan knew him and was helping him with his projects. He took it really hard so today on his birthday he stayed home. He will be back because his class is doing something special for him. Thursday is the mother and her two son's memorial. I may see if I can get someone to watch Baylee so I can go. I guess most of the teachers at Valley View is going because I have a couple of my friends that have been called into work subbing for some classes. The high school principal is going to take the place of the principal at VV for the time the memorial is on. They will be filled up.
The whole community is effected though. I going to go buy some flowers and do a little card or something and put it by the house where their is a vigil going to go on I think tomorrow night. It is just everywhere the sadness. Not until this week did I figure out that we are a close-knit family of a community here. It is nice to talk to our neighbors and check on them. It is a nice atmosphere around here. Still a lot of fear as well of the unknown and the unexpected can happen.

A friend and her son's diagnosis

2011-04-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, one of my dear friends came by. She came inside and I felt like she had something to tell me or something. She was so quiet. She sat down, looked at my boys pictures and looked at me. She said, how do you do it Becky. How do you go day by day knowing that your children will never do like other kids their age or will ever. A little background on her, at that moment I knew something was up with her boy. I sat there and she turned around and she had tears coming down. She said, "My boy was diagnosed with autism today." I knew she needed to talk like I had to back when Dillan was first diagnosed with autism. It was devastating to me because now her son and her family is a statistic. One of the millions on a piece of paper -- she begins talking then I stopped her and said.... "You will still love your son the same way you did before the doctor pulled your hopes and dreams for your son away from you. You will still wake him up, put on his clothes, wash his face, and feed him breakfast. You will still drop him off at school. You will do everything you did before for him, just one thing different....he has an official diagnosis. That means you will always be "his mother" and you will always worry about him. Nothing has changed concerning your relationship with him, it is just your hopes and dreams.....your wishes for him was taken away in one moment at a doctors office."
We spent the next hour eating chocolate and getting angry at all the unfairness of our life. I felt she needed to vent and I know if I had a friend like she had yesterday it would worked for me. It was nice to one afternoon talk and reminiscence of what we wanted for our boys.
What is so unfair is our kids you cannot tell they have a disability ~~ that is why it is called the "hidden disability" ~~ anyways, we talked we cried we laughed. It is nice to talk to others that understand you and your lifetime of enduring everyday struggles with kids with special needs. That is what HF put us on is a path to be parents of kids with special needs, however we all wish we had manuals but we don't. Wish there was.... no one tells us what we should or should not do..... we just believe each day is a test of our patience and strength.

A dedication to all the kids with special needs around the world ^_^

2011-04-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

Tired....sick daughter....did I mention I am tired.

2011-03-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

Since about last Thursday I have had to hold Baylee -- it is the only way to calm her and just let her watch a movie. I have seen "Aristocats" and "Oliver In Company" nonstop since then. I am craving movies for me BADLY. But most of all I am craving sleep as well.

Last night while I was watching a show (in the middle of the night) holding Baylee thinking of all the things I would rather do, I thought to myself.... I am doing what I want to do... comforting my daughter, being with her and singing, "I am a Child of God" to her. Singing helps her to feel comfort and calm. I do it and I may not be a good singer, however I get the job done.
There are days where I sit and ponder about my life and in most cases I am doing what I want; however, with going to school I am learning something about myself. It is too personal to talk about, but I do know this... it is amazing all the things I am learning and I have a different perspective on things. However, I am learning so much from school, I have a feeling I am learning even more from my children. My oldest is growing taller and more stubborn each day. The doctor says he is a "young man" not a good thing I say; however, something I cannot control. Bryce, he struggles just because he does things that he could possibly not do so it would not cause problems. But he does it, and then he wonders why he gets into trouble. He tries to think his mom is dumb but I am smarter and ahead of him in each step he takes I take two steps.
Then there is Baylee... she is sick but hopefully by the weekend she will get better. She is such a great spirit. I enjoy being with her and love her so much. She is so special to me, probably why I will not let anyone bad mouth her. She is stubborn, determined, and strong-willed. Oh boy she is all that and more. She keeps me laughing, pulling my gray out (from Bryce) for hours.

With all the struggles I am dealing with -- I would never want to change my life. However, I am finding out that there are just some things you can control; however, there are days where I will sit on my bed and wonder "what if I did not have kids" what would happen to me now -- would I be in my dream job, would we be different. And I keep coming back to one thing.... I cannot see myself without my kids. It is hard to imagine them not here.

Tonight, I was watching, "The Middle" and oh my gosh that is my family TOTALLY. Just a bit reversed. The mother that is kicked out of the school to not allowed back, the father being well himself, the oldest being a teen, "Brick" whatever did they get that name from I don't know. But I don't see Baylee as Sue, however she is her own person. Sue, I don't know. But Brick I kind of see Bryce as him. Anyway, this show I watch and I watch my family and I am thinking WOW. I have not stepped foot in the kids school for such a long time. Not that I am not allowed; however, I did state my point to the counselor and told her she did not know much about anything about her job or what AUTISM is. I also told the recess lady that if she ever touched Bryce again I will come down and pick her up and do "Hulk Hogan" all over her. I also told her she also needs an education in the world of Autism. So watching the show "THE MIDDLE" to me is hilarious. Ah shows....that you can relate to ....very dangerous though. I state my point and I am nice about it, just when I have my cousin in town well lets just say "get out of my way"

Autism Facts

2011-03-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Throu the eyes of Autism

2011-03-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

Autism - Dr Dan Speaks on Autism

2011-03-29T00:14:00.000-07:00

Autism Every Day - 7 minute version

2011-03-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

10 Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

2011-03-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

Will it be a Golden Retriever or a Beagle...that is the question.

2011-03-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Imiagine....please!

2011-03-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Spring Break ..........3 kids sick......& I need to do some schoolwork.
Yes, this week it sucks to be a mom. Not only that Baylee is throwing up, Dillan is growing up, and Bryce is getting into stuff that he shouldn't so I am like a chicken with its head cut off.

I will trade your life for my life right now. Plus no sleep for momma, because of this and I watching them on my own. Dave does not have the same spring break week as us. JOY!

Thought I would share this -- it is cute!

2011-03-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

Scroll down to the bottom and click the middle circle to

turn off the music on the blog. This is a cute video!

The World in the eyes of Baylee!

2011-03-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

I think the Groundhog is either upset with his handlers....or he has a death wish!!!

2011-03-08T11:16:00.000-08:00

This morning looking out my bedroom window.....what do I see..... snow, WTH!!! Yes once again we are getting snow; however, it is melting so BYE BYE SNOW!!

It is cleaning and laundry day in my household...I would rather sit, relax and watch a movie.

Monday, March 7th - Bye to the old and hello to the new!

2011-03-07T12:04:00.000-08:00

Well I am saying GOOD BYE to the last block of classes ~ did enjoy FP 101 very much and the last few weeks of COM 155. My next ones are HUM 176 Media & Culture (this class is going to be interesting) and COM 156 (English-I looked in and there is a lot of writing, which I will enjoy, however the grading oh my gosh assignments are worth A LOT OF points. The end points is 1000. WOW.

I guess I will see what I am in for when I start later today.

Oh Bryce ~ Just too cute!

2011-03-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

Bryce thought that it would be better if the paint was combined together to make "art" ~ he said colors should be together. Oh cute moments from Bryce.

Reasons to be grateful!

2011-03-02T21:58:00.000-08:00

Feb 28th ~~ Yoga & Relaxation

2011-02-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

I feel really good right now. I have been doing Yoga for about two weeks now, and it really does help me. I am going to continue it with "Insanity" and may get more dvds to help me. I lost 1.5 inches, YAY me! Anyway, losing is taking it "sweet time" but I hope I get to my target weight.

**BTW ~!~! IT IS SNOWING.......Groundhog.....YOU LIAR!!!!**

Two things you should never talk about in social company.....

2011-02-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

1. Religion - differences of religion and beliefs, sometimes it is just best not to talk about it.
2. Politics - especially around ones who really believe in their "views" extremely!!!

With that said.... I tell people I am a LDS Christian ~ if you do not like how I say it, then don't ask me. I have to confess, I have some difference of beliefs from my religion, but because of mixed audiences I will not say them here.

Politics is depressing, when people vote for a person, they end up not liking him/her maybe they need to try there hand at being a President for a day or even a week. It is the hardest job out there and you just cannot please everyone!!!

I live in a country that we are free to say, do and well just about everything as long as it does not harm things or people. I believe in that and I believe also that if you want to do something and it does not hurt somebody else, than go ahead and do it. Freedom means being free to do as you want and say, not as what the government or religion wants. With that said, I have learned over the years that I cannot say I am a republican some of the views is not what I believe and I also cannot say I am a democrat because again I cannot say I believe in their views. I do enjoy the freedom we have, but I also know that if a person wants to do something we should not get in there way..... unless they harm something or someone!

Be grateful we live in a country that we have the right to protest and the right to live the way we want to. With that said, when it comes time for the governor to leave office and a few of the senators as well -- I will have a "going away party" at my house. Bring something to share with the guests.

Something new coming for 2011!!!

2011-02-21T21:44:00.001-08:00

Well, we are in the process of deciding about a "new addition to the family" ~~ What will it be?

Click here, to check...on our choices.

Monday, February 21st

2011-02-21T20:52:00.001-08:00

It has been a long wonderful weekend. I just did not get any of what I wanted done, done!!!!! RATS!!! Back to the computer (books) ~~ Have a nice weekend everyone!
Will be changing the theme in here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

Have one for me as well. YUMMY!

I lost 1 inch. Insanity is kicking my a$$ off! LOL

It is time to clean up the GOVERNMENT!!!

2011-02-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

I like listening to Pres. Obama but I think his health reform is screwing with everyone's health insurance. High co-pays, high costs and then the boys health care is decreasing coverage and just a domino effect that is not good FOR ANYONE.

Our just so "lovely" governor and senators we need to just have new ones. I hate the government because legislators vote on their own raises, the senators live in homes that is big enough for several families. And then they vote against stuff that will help "THE LITTLE PEOPLE" ~ I hate Patty Murray, Gregoire and then there's the Maria Cantwell.

Makes you think why even bother voting. Some of these people that live in WA, they do not understand what they did is effecting those "little people" the tax votes would help education, health care and other services that right now are being effected.

February 1st ~~ A cold morning in Eburg.

2011-02-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

It is February 1, 2011, wow the time is going by really fast. I have 5 more weeks of classes left, I cannot wait until I am done with this block. I love my Finance class though, learning tons, but this English class I can leave it for the birds. I HATE IT!

It is cold this morning and I have to go out in it. My daughter is not going to like that, but she does have a very warm jacket and blanket so she should be fine.

I think it is time to change the music, what do you think?

2011-01-29T20:34:00.001-08:00

Maybe something in the lines of February, Valentines and romantic. I will check it out and post a new one on both my blogs.

Vaccines

2011-01-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

Here is something to look at: Vaccines Ingredient List
Another ingredient list
These are ingredients in Vaccines. Something to really ponder and look at. A bit scary is it not? Having stuff put into syringes and inside your body.

One question I want to ask: Would you shoot your body with a meth-filled syringe? Well why would you shoot a small baby or yourself with a vaccine that has ingredients that you would not orally take into your mouth?

Think about it:
Formaldehyde (they put this inside of "DEAD PEOPLE")
Thimerosal (MERCURY) VERY BAD!!!!

When looking through the list of vaccination ingredients get on a dictionary and see what these things are. None of these are safe and why would you put it in a small baby.

What I don't like is people judging me for what I feel I am doing right! If you do not like what I do with my family then don't talk to me, but do NOT judge unless you are an expert.

DOCTORS GET "KICK-BACKS" every vaccine they give, they get money BACK!!!!
CDC has not shown in details their research from the beginning to end. All they say "no facts" or "not true" show me the people you test it on and your research. (what did you do to get the conclusions you got? How and why and how you came to this conclusion?)
VACCINES ARE NOT GREEN!!!!!
Doctors are giving more than one vaccine at a time. Which the body cannot handle especially a young baby.
If a person does not eat, rub any type of chemical on there body, why would you have vaccines done on you. As much as shampoo, and other chemical based items you do not use, why have vaccines done on you?

I have one child that cannot have any type of dye and if you see most of these vaccines they are filled with dyes, and then I have a daughter that is prone to autism. Then I have my oldest who was "injured" because of vaccines. So walk in my shoes for a week and you will find out why I came to my conclusions!!!! Until you walk the talk, you cannot judge me!!!!

I feel for those that do not have the knowledge and feedback before they have a nurse give vax's to their kids. Education is the key to getting to the conclusion that maybe (heck) what is not good for you orally is not good for you "through your veins."

With snow......comes flooding. (please pray for the people of Ellensburg, WA)

2011-01-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

Here is the link to the story: Flooding in West Ellensburg

Just down the street the stream is overflowing so there is a lot of water on the road. Going to the appt this morning was fun!

Please pray for these homeowners and businesses ~~~ there are ward members living in this area and some dear friends of ours as well.

I am wishing for Spring to come.....NOW!!!

2011-01-04T09:31:00.000-08:00

This morning going out to the bus ~ I looked across my yard to the "ice rink" streets and at that moment life stopped a bit so that I can ponder "WHEN WILL SPRING BE INTRODUCED TO US ONCE AGAIN?" A wish that everyone in Ellensburg ICEVILLE wants to happen. It has been very cold here so cold that our streets is covered in ice. A wish for Spring is present everywhere you look around you here. I wish for Spring so that I can feel my toes and fingers when I am outside or wishing to see green once more.

Do not think I would be a great choice for the "North Pole" just need some warmth and looking out my window just depresses me right now. So here's to "SPRING WISHES" to come early would be nice to.

Will we have school tomorrow? (...Its a Ice rink here.)

2011-01-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

It is 10 degrees.... yes you read it right! It is 10 degrees here. So will there be school tomorrow? That is a big question of the moment. Down our street and many others around us are living by streets and streets of "ice rinks" ~~ even my husband will not let me outside to walk. It is dangerous out there. People are driving very slow and see kids having fun slip n sliding.

So we will see what happens tomorrow?

I start school tomorrow: 1. Foundations of Personal Finance (I don't know it is a general ed class. yuck is right!) and 2. University Communication and Composition. Both of these classes are general ed classes that must be taken in the "first year" ~~ enjoy! AUGH!!!

Hello.....countdown to the new year....

2010-12-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

It is almost upon us.....a new year. Soon 2010 will be no more. It just zipped on by didn't it. Well hopefully 2011 will be a better year for my family, both sides of the family and the whole country as well. Would love to get out of the "recession hole" we are in. Life would be better FOR EVERYONE!

I am still here at my parents. It was an okay Christmas. Did not feel the Christmas spirit or wanted to do much of anything, Forced myself. I think Dave's "scrooge" is contagious. He does not help at all. I am not sure what was up with him this year, but he could of left a lot sooner than he did, he brought me down with him, and I love Christmas. The music, the movies, shows and just the feeling of it. He is such a scrooge.

Anyway, it was a good Christmas even though he was a "scrooge." Next year maybe he will be "Grinch" and he can grow a bigger heart. HA!

Anyway, snow all around us and maybe he will be here maybe he won't. Whatever he decides. But I feel like maybe he needs another day to think things through. I love the dear boy but sometimes he can be a pain in my side.

Over the mountains, through the woods..... (grandma) my parents house we go....

2010-12-22T21:01:00.000-08:00

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas

& A Happy New Year!

Vaccinations update: My jaw just hit the floor..... WOW!!!

2010-12-19T22:46:00.000-08:00

The Night Before Christmas, by John Cleese

2010-12-19T11:48:00.000-08:00

Twas the Night Before Christmas

2010-12-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

Carol of the Bells - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

2010-12-19T11:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-12-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

It is depressing. It is my birthday and I enjoy being alone and celebrating it. But when you have your boys at home (suppose to be sick) it is no fun! I take my birthday very seriously.

Anyone want to come over and take some of them away. Even Baylee is coming in here to get away from them.

We thought Baylee was going to bother with the tree, and she still does a bit but Bryce wins that one. He is driving me crazy. The train is on, bells are ringing and my head swooning. and I just want to take these devices and throw them outdoors and break them! LOL

This year I am "SCROOGE" it is just coming to fast and I am not ready. Probably because I am getting close to 40. Those numbers are bad!!! So I am turning "29."

Update: 12/12/2010

2010-12-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

Hello Family & Friends,
I have been busy with the last two weeks of school. I have only one more week left so I may be gone even more than I am now. The exam week will start Monday and end Sunday the 19th. So I will start studying now and may take the exam on Wednesday. With that said, I will be neglecting my blogging but I will be on to keep you all updated. I am so excited that this "round of blocks" is at the end of the tunnel and I can just see "light" up ahead.

Right now, I got an email stating that as of the 19th I will have 6 credits and they will be applied as of the 31st. I am so excited! One block down three more to go and that will take me into July. Then I start my IT year of blocks and that will be A BUSY BUSY year. But I will enjoy the classes because I am obsessed with technology, computers and gadgets a plenty. So I graduate in 2012.

Then I will continue on with my Bachelors but with that program you have to work in the field so I will probably spend the Summer of 2012 finding work. I would love to work at the University or even in the school district so that it stays with the "schedule" as the boys.

Other news:

Tuesday I turn "29" wow time flies by doesn't it. Just last year I turned 28. LOL
I have been also busy starting up two websites: 1) one for the family and 2) Autism awareness. I will be finishing them up and posting the links. The links are on one of the sidebars, but I do not think I have them published quite yet so you can view them. These websites are protected so not everyone will be viewing them for obvious reasons. So do not share them unless you have my permission. Thank you for your cooperation!
We are researching the "best pet" for our family. We are thinking of getting a "service dog" yep, that's right. Some working dog to help with Bryce. LOL

Reading: A Simple Amish Christmas

2010-12-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas, and Annie Weaver misses her family after leaving her Amish community to work at a distant hospital. But when she hears that her father has been gravely injured in a buggy accident, she rushes home to care for him. Her passion for healing catches widower Shayne Troyer's attention. Will she also capture his heart? 256 pages, softcover from Abingdon.

When the police can't even find the house...

2010-12-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

I was in my bedroom, my husband away on a scout camp I hear a knock at the door. It is 10 pm at night and I am alone with kids in bed. I was thinking "should I open the door or not?" So I opened a bit and there was two police men. They asked what address I was at and I told them and they said they were looking for a different house. Asked if I was a duplex and I said no and I told them across the street on the 12th side there was one. It scared the crap out of me. I was sitting doing homework and my assignment to be turned in tomorrow and I see flashlights outside. So I went and looked. Not until I opened did I figure it was the police.

Heck, I am confused about the streets around me to so of course the police would be too. An emergency so I hope they are okay. I saw the police car rushing down 12th so I guess they found it.
Maybe Eburg need to make it more clear on their homes. I may have Dave tomorrow when he gets home to put up numbers on the Columbia side as well. I need lights on that side to. Did I say I was scared.
They were nice to look at so it was nice but dang..... They were creeping up hands on guns so you know it was an emergency when I opened up the door they took their hands off their guns. I guess a woman who would open her door wide with a baby in her arms kind of changes the emergency for a bit. Baylee liked it. Darn that girl!

Sensitive material: Neglect in Mexico

2010-12-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Neglect at a Mexico Mental Institution

A second "Nightline" investigation exposes continued, horrid neglect.

This is a very sensitive material, if you are very sensitive please do not view it. It is sensitive to me when I watched it on tv last night. It was very upsetting that a country would treat people like this, not just people but people that have disabilities. These individuals have the right to a great life and what they have is not even close. Like the lady said in the show last night. "They are living in the deepest hell." I saw individuals that were obvious mentally challenged but also individuals who you could say could possibly be autistic. Treating people like this way "because they are different" or "a menace to their country" is beyond awful. People need interaction with others. You saw one man that was so happy to "see people" he cried. It breaks my heart that people just "want to throw away people that have disabilities" they ARE NOT GARBAGE. It is upsetting to see this. But I will continue to post these things because it is "close to my heart" and I want people to be aware that kids or adults with disabilities have the right to a great life, they have the right to experience what we all do. They have the right under "Gods laws" to have a great life and to experience love and affection.

It was sad to see, but it was also very upsetting to see a country so criminally wrong.

What makes it better is the fact that some day these people that put these sweet defenseless individuals in these institutions, workers at these places that treat them "like animals" and some day these people will have to be in front of God, Jesus Christ and they will have to answer to them about the treatments of these special people. How can people go home at night and know this is happening and NOT DO A DAMN thing. I will love to be there when they answer to God and Jesus. They will be judged and punished and that makes it better but the punishment is not coming so soon to make me happy about it. For all those men and women in these awful places, you will have your day where you can walk with God and Jesus and have the love that you crave so badly. I am so sorry for all what you go through. Wish I could do something..... I can..... I can pray for all of you. Peace be with you! God Bless you!

**Here is the video below.** It breaks my heart just knowing this is going on... Thank HF and Jesus for they will be judging over the people that are responsible for this cruelty to human beings!!!

Thanksgiving

2010-12-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention that we had a very relaxing (cold outside) Thanksgiving. It was actually a very White Thanksgiving for us. It was nice to be indoors though.

I found out two things this past Thanksgiving:

1. Bryce loves pumpkin pie and turkey.
2. Having Thanksgiving at home was very relaxing and in the future we will have Thanksgiving at home. No decisions to make, kids sleeping in and just a day of family and relaxation.

The men watched football while the women watched the parades and Christmas specials. Psst... don't tell the men but "we women" also napped as well. It was nice!!!

The Twelve Daze of Christmas

2010-11-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

Becky's regular day at school. :lol:

2010-11-30T10:51:00.000-08:00

Procrastination......at its best!

It is funny because in my University Studies class

were discussing this very thing!
Did I mention I love my camera!

A Page in a Life of a Mom!

Dh grading ~ poor guy.

Politics, politicians, governmean, whatever.......etc.

Chocolate Cake.

Weight Watchers

Thanksgiving Week...

In my household, if dh and I do not celebrate Halloween...our kids would divorce us!!!

Preschool.

Preschool Countdown....

The boys felt left out of the picture moment...

It benefits the princess...

Hot Dame!

Gluten-Free Blueberry Muffins

Gluten-Free Blueberry Muffins

Ingredients

Directions

New Recipe website: Gourmet Recipes

Peach Crisp

Accompaniment:

Home Sweet Home

Sun & Clouds

A French Cafe...

Counting down until my "Leap" Anniversary!

Thinking positive...

The road to stress...

Cannot sleep...freaking dogs...

7/21/2011

7/20/2011

Californians...can have their stickin California.

We are here......Sacramento CA

We are proud owners of a 2000 Ford Windstar

Summer: BBQ's, water slides, water fights, sun, and walks on the beach...

Coming into FINALS WEEK....at my parents home...

Parents house...

Proud to be an American...

Scripture of the Day: James 1:5-6

Having a good day whether or not I want to

Incompetent does not mean responsible

Forgiveness is...

Excused...

Pros & Cons: a hard decision

How do you explain to a "loved" one ~~ that you are appreciative, however....

A whole day of headache, play, and explaing to Baylee!

Accountability

Learning more about law, police procedure, and things I never knew before.

Sometimes life can be so draining...

Jury Duty...

Bryce's Green Thumb

RE: Forgiveness

*~* Forgiveness *~*

Forgive

Our forgiveness of others must be heartfelt and complete.

Though it may seem difficult, we can forgive.

When we forgive others, we free ourselves from hatred and bitterness.

Power Outage = Sleeping Children

Cleaning Days

Breaking of a heart

Taps

Into Heaven...

Bryce has a "green thumb" without trying.

My new view of the Justice System.....it sucks!!!

Whatever you would like to call it...

Above water...

Outside looking in......

Even harder lessons to learn..... things like this should NEVER happen.

The Hard Lessons of Life

This week my boys are learning the hard lessons.

A friend and her son's diagnosis

A dedication to all the kids with special needs around the world ^_^

Tired....sick daughter....did I mention I am tired.

Autism Facts

Throu the eyes of Autism

Autism - Dr Dan Speaks on Autism

Autism Every Day - 7 minute version

10 Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

Will it be a Golden Retriever or a Beagle...that is the question.

Imiagine....please!

Thought I would share this -- it is cute!

The World in the eyes of Baylee!

I think the Groundhog is either upset with his handlers....or he has a death wish!!!

~ Forgiveness ~